Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
