My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
