So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
