My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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