her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
