We won't sleep together?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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