so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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