My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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