we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
