Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
