her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
