party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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