I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
