I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
