Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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