I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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