I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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