turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
