u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
