Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she was so not down for the gang bang
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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