I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
