Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
