it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
