I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
