I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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