Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
