ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
