our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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