seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
