last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dick very happy bro
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
