i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
