As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
