some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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