just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
