i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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