The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
