So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
