I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
