Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
