The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
