apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
