I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
