just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
