Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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