I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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