I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
