Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
