So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
