Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they're like a gay fantastic four
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
