my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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