He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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