Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
