well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
