someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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