Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
