its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
